youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
