it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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