I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Your face is a jimmy john
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
