He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
