apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize