Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
