I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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