she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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