Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
