there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
