gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize