haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
