I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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