At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
