yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
