fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
