At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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