Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
