I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
