So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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