We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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