It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
