She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
