i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
3 2 1 whiskey
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
