Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
