Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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