Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
