From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
