names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
