I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
