They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
i now understand why vodka
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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