I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize