put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
