some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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