I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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