well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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