Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
