Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
