so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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