I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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