he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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