Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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