I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
