So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
