If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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