Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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