We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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