So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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