I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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