Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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