bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
She told me I should be a condom model.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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