I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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