I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
