sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
