I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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