We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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