Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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