i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
