It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
what day is it and did you see me today?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize