Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
