He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I could fuck to npr.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
