i just wanna soil my oats bro
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
