I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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