so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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