dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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