tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
