oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize