I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
