he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
