It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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