am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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