fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
