Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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