woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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