Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
