my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
nutella sex= disaster
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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