She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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