Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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