ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
