Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
