I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
