i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I cockslap morals
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
