i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
