Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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