In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
