do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
