Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
