The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
