I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Randomize
