i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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