Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
