So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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