Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
