and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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