The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize