The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
