yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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