Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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