I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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