I hate all girls vehemently.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
