the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
